GCSE and A-level results can feel like a defining moment for young people. After months or even years of revision, exams and uncertainty about the future, results day can bring a mixture of excitement, relief, disappointment and anxiety.
For some teenagers, receiving the grades they hoped for can feel like a huge achievement. For others, results may not match their expectations, leaving them worried about university applications, college places, apprenticeships or what they will do next.
As a parent, it can be difficult to know exactly what to say or do if your child is upset about their results. You may be disappointed for them, worried about their future or keen to start looking at alternative options. However, one of the most helpful things you can do initially is give them time and space to process what has happened.
Remember that results day can be emotionally overwhelming
It is important to remember that your child may have been under considerable pressure in the run-up to results day. They may have spent months worrying about individual exams, calculating possible grades and thinking about what their results could mean for their future.
Results day can therefore be an emotional release. A young person who has appeared calm for weeks may suddenly become upset, angry or withdrawn once they know their grades.
Try not to interpret an emotional reaction as overreacting. For a teenager, the situation can feel enormous in that moment, particularly if they believe their future plans have suddenly disappeared.
Give them an opportunity to talk if they want to, but don’t force the conversation. Sometimes the most helpful response is simply to acknowledge how they are feeling.
Try not to focus only on the grades
It can be tempting to immediately ask why a particular grade wasn’t higher, whether your child could have worked harder or what went wrong.
However, results day may not be the right time for those conversations.
Instead, focus on your child’s wellbeing first. Ask how they are feeling rather than simply asking what they are going to do next.
A teenager who is already feeling that they have failed may interpret questions about grades or future plans as criticism, even when that isn’t your intention.
Once they have had time to process their results, you can start looking at the practical options together. There may be more routes available than they initially realise, including appealing or reviewing results where appropriate, resitting qualifications, alternative college courses, apprenticeships, foundation courses or different university options.
A disappointing result does not necessarily mean the end of a particular ambition. Sometimes it simply means finding a different route to get there.
Be aware of the pressure created by social media
Social media can make results day particularly difficult.
Young people may see classmates posting photographs of their results, university offers, celebrations or announcements about their next steps. While these posts are often positive, they can encourage comparisons and make a teenager who is disappointed with their own results feel that everyone else is succeeding.
Remind your child that social media only shows a small part of someone’s experience. They are unlikely to see the uncertainty, disappointment or anxiety that other young people may also be experiencing.
If social media is making your child feel worse, encourage them to take a break from it for a few days. There is no need to compare their results, plans or progress with anyone else’s.
Don’t underestimate the impact of changing plans
For some young people, the biggest source of distress isn’t the grade itself. It is what they believe the grade means for their future.
They may have spent months imagining themselves at a particular university, studying a specific subject or starting a particular career. If their results mean that plan is no longer possible, they may feel that they have lost the future they had imagined.
This can be particularly difficult for young people who have always been high achievers or who have placed a lot of their self-worth on academic success.
Give them time to adjust.
It can be helpful to separate the immediate disappointment from the longer-term decisions. There is no requirement to have every aspect of the future worked out on results day.
Once emotions have settled, sit down together and look at the options objectively. Speaking to a teacher, careers adviser, college, university or another appropriate professional can also help your child understand what choices are available.
Look out for changes in their behaviour
Feeling disappointed, anxious or upset after receiving exam results is not necessarily a sign of a mental health problem. These emotions can be a normal response to a stressful event and often ease as a young person has time to adjust.
However, parents should pay attention to significant or persistent changes in their child’s behaviour.
You may notice that your child:
- Becomes increasingly withdrawn or stops wanting to see friends or family
- Loses interest in hobbies or activities they normally enjoy
- Has persistent difficulty sleeping or sleeps much more than usual
- Experiences significant changes in appetite
- Appears unusually irritable, angry or tearful
- Becomes increasingly anxious or overwhelmed
- Struggles to concentrate on everyday activities
- Stops talking about their future altogether
- Expresses feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness or being a failure
- Says that they feel like a burden or that things will never get better
One difficult day does not necessarily indicate a mental health condition. The important thing is to look at the severity, persistence and impact of the changes you are seeing.
If you are concerned about your child’s mental health, talking to a GP can be a good starting point. A GP can listen to your concerns, assess how your child is feeling and help identify what support may be appropriate.
Encourage them to talk, but don’t force them
Teenagers do not always want to have a serious conversation with their parents, particularly when they are embarrassed, disappointed or worried about being judged.
Instead of repeatedly asking, “What’s wrong?”, try creating opportunities for conversation without putting too much pressure on them.
Going for a walk, having a meal together or travelling somewhere in the car can sometimes make talking easier because there isn’t the pressure of sitting face-to-face.
You can also let them know that they don’t have to talk to you about everything immediately.
If your child doesn’t want to talk to you, encourage them to identify another trusted adult they feel comfortable speaking to. This could be a teacher, relative, family friend or healthcare professional.
Don’t rush to solve everything
Parents naturally want to make things better.
If your child is upset, you may immediately want to start researching alternative courses, contacting universities or working out a new plan. While practical support is valuable, allow your child some breathing space first.
You could agree to spend the first day simply processing the results and then look at the options together the following day.
Breaking the situation down into manageable steps can make an uncertain future feel less overwhelming.
For example:
First: Take some time to process the results.
Next: Find out exactly what options are available.
Then: Speak to the relevant school, college, university or careers adviser.
Finally: Decide what your child wants to do next.
The situation may look very different once the initial shock has passed.
What if your child did get the grades but is still struggling?
It’s also important to remember that mental health difficulties don’t only affect young people who receive disappointing results.
A student may achieve excellent grades and still feel anxious, exhausted or overwhelmed. They may have spent months under intense pressure and find it difficult to relax once the exams are over.
Some young people can also experience anxiety about leaving school, starting university, moving away from home or entering a new environment.
Don’t assume that a good set of results means that everything is automatically fine. Continue to check in with your child and give them opportunities to talk about how they are feeling.
When should you seek professional help?
If your child’s low mood, anxiety or changes in behaviour are persistent, worsening or having a significant impact on everyday life, it may be appropriate to seek professional advice.
You don’t need to wait until you are certain that there is a mental health condition. If you are worried about your child, a GP can provide an opportunity to discuss what you have noticed and consider what support may be appropriate.
The most important thing is that they know they are not alone and that asking for help is not a sign of weakness.
Results day is not the end of the story
For teenagers, GCSE and A-level results can feel incredibly important — and understandably so. But a set of exam results is only one moment in a much longer life.
There may be disappointment, changes of plan and difficult decisions along the way, but there are often multiple routes towards further education, employment and future ambitions.
As a parent, your role isn’t to immediately fix everything. Sometimes the most valuable thing you can provide is reassurance, perspective and a safe space where your child knows they can be honest about how they are feeling.
If you are concerned about your child’s mental health or wellbeing, speaking to a GP can be an important first step. At Midland Health, our private GP service provides a confidential and supportive environment where young people and their parents can discuss health concerns and receive appropriate advice and guidance.
